.

.

December 30, 2009

Emma Juliet Bray

On November 3 Emma Juliet Bray made her entrance into the world. The daughter of my college friend Katie and her husband Jason, Emma is perfect in every way.

Sara and I were able to meet sweet Emma the next day.

The new mama and her sweet baby girl!

I love this picture of Sara!

The sweet girl 2 weeks later at our second visit! What a beautiful baby girl!

Some cuddle time with baby Emma. She is probably the most laid back baby I've ever seen. Always happy as long as she's being cuddled!


New Years Resolutions

It's a long post, but its my life! I dare you to read it all!

It's the time of year that everyone starts talking about New Year's Resolutions.

It's also about 2 weeks before the time of year where everyone starts to fail at their New Year's Resolutions.

With these two points in mind, I decided to NOT make any resolutions but, instead, to look up the definition of a resolution and really think about what it meant.

Here are two of the definitions that stuck out to me.

Merriam-Webster

resolution:
1) the act or process of resolving; a:the act of analyzing a complex notion into simpler ones
5) the point in a literary work at which the chief dramatic complication is worked out

This got me thinking about my last year and how it would affect any resolutions I did end up making. Those of you reading this probably know about most of it but some if this will be a little bit of a truth tell.

Honestly, this last year has probably been one of the hardest of my life. I joke with my roommate that if I can make it through 2009 (now only hours left) then I can make it through anything.

In the end of 2008 I lived with my sister for about 6 weeks before moving back to NC. I was thrilled to finally be moving "home" but it turned out to be harder than I'd ever expected. I found myself having an incredible amout of difficulty incorporating my "new" life:

the fact that I was still a student and had to study all night on top of working all day

into my "old" life:

getting to hang out with friends whenever I wanted, care free and extremely social

The struggle overwhelmed me and I found myself, more and more, pulling away and becoming extremely uncofortalbe in almost any social situation. I was exhausted and confused and overwhelmed. And no one seemed to understand. It was eaiser to just hide from it all. So I stopped....almost everything, almost all together.

The close of 2008 had brought illness to my sister, who spent the better part of December and January in and out of the hospital. Just as she began to take a turn for the better I got the call that my dad was sick.

Something that we'd all hoped would resolve within a month or two took almost the entire year. Enduring tests and treatments and eventually going to a specialist in California, there were times that I honestly couldn't imagine that he would ever get better. I watched as his body thinned and his muscles weakend and he became depressed and overwhelmed with anxiety. I spent my entire life feeling hurt by this man, and at the same time longing for nothing more than his love and approval. And now I was terrified of losing him.

I tried as hard as I could to put on a brave face. But inside I was crumbling.

In the beginning of July I got another horrible phone call. This one even worse than the first. My uncle had taken his own life. He'd been overwhelmed with life and medical complications and saw no other option to end the pain he was feeling.

Deep inside, the worst part was that I feared my father would do the same thing.

To make matters worse, the master's program I was attending (and only about 6 weeks from finishing) basically gave me an ultimatum. I could go to my uncle's funeral (missing only 1 day of class) or I could stay and they would let me graduate. Not exactly a "choice".

At this point I all but shut down. I started having horrible panic attacks. I cried constantly (but only in the privacy of my own room when I was by myself). Even something as familiar as going to church made my heart race and would make me gasp for breath that I just couldn't catch. Looking someone in the eye and having a real conversation with them terrified me.

In the middle of August I finally graduated with my Masters. My dad, weak as he was, made the trip to Philadelphia for the graduation and I was so happy to have him there. Not long after, he made the trip to CA, spending about 4 weeks getting treatments, and making some HUGE improvements in his condition. He returned home in order to regain as much strength as possible and was, amazingly, able to return to work the week before Thanksgiving.

In October I took my boards and walked out of the exam, tears filling my eyes, knowing that I had failed. I prayed for a miracle every waking minute. And only 2 days later I got a miracle in the form of an email letting me know I'd passed.

And now:

My sister is doing well. She will finish her residency in the spring and has accepted a position as a pediatrian at a hospital in Lancaster, PA.

My dad is also doing well. He regains strength little by little and is back to work! While he isn't 100% better, he is a thousand time improved!

Not a day goes by that I don't think about my uncle. His life and service to others was celebrated at the funeral. And though I wasn't able to be there physically, I remember him daily on my own.

And as for me....the anxiety attacks are ALMOST completely gone, thanks to nothing else but God who gives me no more than I can handle and who makes my yoke easy, and my burden light...if only i'd let Him.

I continue to search for a job and am hopeful that something will come very soon. I struggle daily to trust in His perfect plan.

I've chosen to spend my social time more wisely. More time with true friends and less time trying to make it to all of the social events. In the last 2 or 3 months the majority of my time has been filled with quality time with girlfriends (and often with their boyfriends or husbands and babies). And this time has been so much sweeter and such a blessing!

So now I look back to the "resolution". I think that I will NOT make any New Year's resolutions in the traditional sense. Instead, I look to resolve in the way it is defined.

My resolutions are hopes. Hopes that there is health and happines throughout my family. Hope that the "dramatic complications" of the year will be "worked out". Hopes that all of these "complex notions will be turned to simpler ones".

Hope for joy and trust and fullfillment and peace in none other than my Savior!

To desire only His love and approval.


December 29, 2009

The day before...

So this post is a little late....

But better late than never! Right?

The day before Jay and Laura's wedding we went to the NC State Fair.

This was my first of three trips this year!!!

Here are a few, strike that, a lot of pictures from the day


The happy couple, on our way in!

Chicken Fried Bacon? Seriously? I also heard rumors of chocolate dipped bacon.

Laura and I with our yummy corn!

Laura enjoying some deep fried oreo's
How can you go to the fair without seeing the baby piggies. I think there were 7 of them piled into this little bucket.

Andrea and I with a "healthy" treat, deep fried veggies!

Little Man Eli and me as we wait for the pig races to start

Jay with Laura (and Jay's) nephew on the ferris wheel.


Last, but not least, we stopped at the Old grist to get our free hush puppy!

What a fun day. We had great weather and got to see tons of friends while doing our favorite thing of the whole year! We LOVE the fair!

December 21, 2009

Tacky Tinsel Tour 2009

So, its been just about exactly one year sine my last Tacky Tinsel Tour post.

Last Friday night we had the 5th annual tour. This year the weather forgot to cooperate. It started snowing that afternoon and by the time we all arrived in Virginia (aka Su-Anne and Erin's place in North Raleigh) it was half sleeting half raining. For about half a second we considered not even going out for the tour, but oh am I glad that we did.

It rained the entire time so we didn't get out of the cars to take any pictures. But here is a picture of me and my car buddies Jason and Becca Redmond. Jason Estes and Su-Anne drove but I forgot to get a picture. Oops.

Here is a picture of Karoline and I in our "Tacky" outfits. We worked long and hard on these fashion forward pieces. The lettering on the front reads "Jesus is the reason for the season y'all"! These matching beauties were quite a hit at the party!

And last but not least is the most dashing and adorable Jay and Laura Veverka. A stunning sight if I've ever seen one. Laura with those fargyle socks (fake argyle) and Jay with those stunning lederhosen-esque (did I spell that right?) clad legs. This image is burned into my brain for eternity.


We rounded out the evening with a viewing of the movie ELF. Always a classic (or at least since it came out 6 years ago). It was a fun evening with good friends. Can't wait until the 6th annual tour!

Goals

Goals are good. Realistic goals are even better. Achieving those realistic goals, the best. I however, have accomplished none of this.

I'm a fail blogger. or at least I fail at blogging.

It is not for lack of effort or intention.

So, here I go again. I'm trying!

December 10, 2009

Jingle Ball 2009

The Jingle Ball is a Toy-raising event held in Raleigh every year that benefits the Salvation Army. This was the second year I have gone. Your admission to the party is to bring a toy and then once in they have dinner, drinks, a live band and a dj. It's always a fun time and another excuse to dress up and go dancing. Here's a few pictures from the evening!

Some of the group that went with us

Su-Anne and I (only about 1/4 of all the toys behind us)


Bobby and me


my sweet friend Susan and me
Maria, Meg (we're gonna miss you girl), me and Su-Anne